they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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