That's when you crack a 10am beer
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Boobs are out for the taking
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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