just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she told me i tasted like america
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She's the barista slut.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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