I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize