There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
