i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize