you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
