And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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