dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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