Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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