i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
