Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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