it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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