It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
