Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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