I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
