I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
