had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
