My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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