woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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