Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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