the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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