why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
