Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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