I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
