Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
