Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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