Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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