Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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