feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just forgot I was standing up.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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