MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
