Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Randomize
