You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
