Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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