There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
