So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
