No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
