I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
