Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
