do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
