so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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