Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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