I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
