A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize