Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
