you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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