I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
