You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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