We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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