He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
