I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So vagazzling was a success
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
