i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
