We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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