Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
