I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
