I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
