I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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