I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
