a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Bring me that man meat
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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