New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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