I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
