What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
