I think I am morally bankrupt
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My ass is underappreciated
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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