Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
