She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
