I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We are all done wearing pants today
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
