I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
two words...techno handjob
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize