im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
