Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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