i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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