man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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