I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
