are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
