I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
