Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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